Poetry & Photo by; Lady Selene
I Hear the Sound of the Rain on my Window
I smell Such a Fresh Scent.
It Brings to me, An Inner Peace.
A Healing that Begins Deep Within
Monday, July 28, 2014
Friday, July 25, 2014
Lyme Zombie - Shattered By Lyme
Photo and Poetry by; Lady Selene
Awakening to
Anxiety
Fear
Depression
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Illusions of Death.
As Darkness begins to Swallow me.
The Need to lie down
Death is Near
just Give in
I will Never win.
As the Darkness takes me,
I feel
Mental Confusion
Coldness
Emptiness
Pain
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Intense Fear
Death is Stalking me
Injecting thoughts of Suicide.
Extreme Brain Fog
thinking
remembering
knowing
possibly things from my past?
Unable to do anything, Except
Feel.
Memories
Emotions
Sucked out
leaving me a Shell of who I used to be.
Leaving me feeling like a
Living Dead Girl.
Darkness
Dispare
Discouragement
Anxiety
Fear
Loneliness
Cold
Empty
Death welcome here.
Unable to move
Paralyzed by Extreme FEAR
WHO am I
WHAT am I
Will I ever be "ME" again
Waiting to DIE
Extreme Terror
Paralyzing Fear
Uncontrollable Tears
This Nightmare has to End
One way or Another.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Face in the Mirror
Pic and Poetry by;
Lady Selene
I look in the Mirror, A Face is looking back at me
Who is She
She slightly resembles me
is she a Relative from my Past.
Her eyes, are Tear Stained, her lips barely smile.
I can hear her Cold Lonely Heart as it faintly beats.
I can “Feel” the Empty Sadness that fills her.
Always Alone, real Laughter, a genuine Smile
Where did it go.
When I Silently disappear in the Night
Who will know.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
LymeZombie, My Broken World - 7 "Beltane; a Day of Awakening"
BELTANE; I woke to the gentle sound of rain drops against my window. The day is unseasonably brisk and sullen. As I lifted myself out of bed, I mumbled “Time to take my meds”, I thought to myself, what a shitty way to live, every day wake up to a breakfast of Pills, then 2 hrs later, a medicine ball, 2 hrs later more pills, 2 hrs later supplements, 2 hrs later a Tincture. Then around 6:00 PM, I get to do the pills and medicine ball all over again. Then, I said to myself “Self, stop complaining, at least you get up every morning, you can walk to get your meds. I could be bed bound, or, I could possibly be dead.
At least I am seeing what appears to be a slight improvement in my health. I am an extremely fortunate woman, even though I have many days when I feel doomed, intense pain, anxiety, defeat. I am still much better off than others with this disease Yes, I have been through a LOT in my life, however, it has all taught me Very Valuable lessons. I also learned exactly how strong a person I am, I never allowed anything to keep me down.
The disease has altered my life Majorly, three times. I have always believed Everything happens for a reason, I can now see why things happened.
If [detachment] had not caused me to leave my marriage, I wouldn’t have gained the strength and knowledge I needed to survive this nasty disease. I’d never have gotten my job, which is now supporting me quite well, I Luckily also got grandfathered in for my insurance. [I would not have had medical insurance if I were still married].
If I didn’t have to work through all those bouts of Bells Palsy, I would have crumbled and remained in the shelter of my home that I would have eventually lost. If I didn’t get up every morning as sick as I was during my early treatment, I’d never realize just how much strength I have, how much I can deal with, how much I can defeat. If my Dr of 12 years didn’t get nasty, spiteful, and release me, I would never have found the excellent LLMD I now have that has been treating me aggressively, causing me to see a difference. I now have an entire team of LLMD’s.
If I didn’t have to leave my job, I’d never have learned so much about the importance of Remembering Others in their time of need. Truly holding out your hand to help others. Remaining positive “deep within” no matter how terrible you feel. If you have nothing nice to say “Shutty”, you never know how DEEP words can CUT a person. I have learned to forget things that have hurt me terribly, and caused me much grief, I have also learned from those experiences.
I feel I “Beat” the system, I have taken all the Negatives that were lunged at me, and turned them into Positives.
There have been many times I could have just remained lying down, just given up. There is a survivor deep inside that would not allow me to. I fought very hard to keep my head above water ALL my Life, since birth. I have always been kind, a giver, was never mean, vicious, vindictive. I do not believe in gossip, it hurts people very badly which is something I have never wanted to do. If I hurt Anyone, I loose sleep an cry over it, even if I could justify it in my mind.
Still, I sit here alone every day because I could never let anyone fully in, there was always a Very High Sturdy Wall, it was built when I was very young, as I went through Life, more people hurt me, tried using and abusing me causing the wall to get Higher and Stronger. The Wall is the only thing I am still unable to move or break through. I guess this is another lesson for me to learn, “How to break my wall, or at least make a door way for someone to enter”.
At least I am seeing what appears to be a slight improvement in my health. I am an extremely fortunate woman, even though I have many days when I feel doomed, intense pain, anxiety, defeat. I am still much better off than others with this disease Yes, I have been through a LOT in my life, however, it has all taught me Very Valuable lessons. I also learned exactly how strong a person I am, I never allowed anything to keep me down.
The disease has altered my life Majorly, three times. I have always believed Everything happens for a reason, I can now see why things happened.
If [detachment] had not caused me to leave my marriage, I wouldn’t have gained the strength and knowledge I needed to survive this nasty disease. I’d never have gotten my job, which is now supporting me quite well, I Luckily also got grandfathered in for my insurance. [I would not have had medical insurance if I were still married].
If I didn’t have to work through all those bouts of Bells Palsy, I would have crumbled and remained in the shelter of my home that I would have eventually lost. If I didn’t get up every morning as sick as I was during my early treatment, I’d never realize just how much strength I have, how much I can deal with, how much I can defeat. If my Dr of 12 years didn’t get nasty, spiteful, and release me, I would never have found the excellent LLMD I now have that has been treating me aggressively, causing me to see a difference. I now have an entire team of LLMD’s.
If I didn’t have to leave my job, I’d never have learned so much about the importance of Remembering Others in their time of need. Truly holding out your hand to help others. Remaining positive “deep within” no matter how terrible you feel. If you have nothing nice to say “Shutty”, you never know how DEEP words can CUT a person. I have learned to forget things that have hurt me terribly, and caused me much grief, I have also learned from those experiences.
I feel I “Beat” the system, I have taken all the Negatives that were lunged at me, and turned them into Positives.
There have been many times I could have just remained lying down, just given up. There is a survivor deep inside that would not allow me to. I fought very hard to keep my head above water ALL my Life, since birth. I have always been kind, a giver, was never mean, vicious, vindictive. I do not believe in gossip, it hurts people very badly which is something I have never wanted to do. If I hurt Anyone, I loose sleep an cry over it, even if I could justify it in my mind.
Still, I sit here alone every day because I could never let anyone fully in, there was always a Very High Sturdy Wall, it was built when I was very young, as I went through Life, more people hurt me, tried using and abusing me causing the wall to get Higher and Stronger. The Wall is the only thing I am still unable to move or break through. I guess this is another lesson for me to learn, “How to break my wall, or at least make a door way for someone to enter”.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
LymeZombie, My Broken World - 6 "Along Comes Samento"
Monday, 4/21/14 I added “1” drop of Samento to my Protocol.
Tuesday about an hour after I took the Samento, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had to sleep.
I have, nausea [lated all morning], stomach cramps, pains in my feet, legs, arms, hands, neck, head, chest. I also had a little Vertigo, ALL short lived, some are old pains returning, some are new. I also have what I call a "flash fever", it lasts a little longer now. [Even my Hot Flashes from Menopause happened in the Spring & Summer, in Winter when I really wanted the Heat, they were no where to be found] lol
Today, about 1 hr after taking it I became Excessively Tired, I HAD to lay down, when I had to get up to “pee”, and old familiar feeling returned, my body felt SO Heavy. It was as if gravity was pulling my Heavy Rock filled body to the ground. My neck has that feeling of being unable to support my head, this is another feeling I used to get quite often. I have a new Headache also, unlike my usual. My dreams are also quite funky, they have always been a bit strange, but they are a weird strange now. HeartBurn, I have been getting this on and off, so I’m not sure if it is because of the Samento or just a coincidence. I got it yesterday and today about 1/2 hr after taking it. Stomach Cramps I haven’t had in years, they are back, the ones I have always described as “Alien’s with very Long, Sharp claws, that are trying to Scratch their way out through my Stomach”. Luckily, they only last a few minutes.
I am really hoping this does something for the residual effects of bell's palsy [synkinesis], I have started Massaging the tension, I can feel the area all balled up “Again”. I would feel SO Great if my face came back. I read a few articles this morning where women had B.P. and after 3-5 years their face bounced right back. Id feel SO HAPPY. I’d like that more than anything.
I have decided against taking a 2nd drop tonight, I’m just going to do the one for a few days, then add the 2nd drop so I am not confined to bed ALL day and night.
Its now Wednesday, the good thing is I woke up feeling good, I got up 5:30am, went out with Zeus a few times, took a few pictures. I have done the dishes and cooked 2 meals. I also washed the floor and straightened the kitchen.
It’s 2:45, I'm now taking my one drop of Samento now. I figured I could at least have half a great day [in case to makes me wicked fatigued again.
I was a bit scared of what was going to happen, I was prepared to deal with it, but non the less, scared. I’m very happy to say, SO far I feel Samento is going to make a big difference. I’m going to take it slow, just as my LLMD told me to do, get my body and brain used to it then increase it.
Tuesday about an hour after I took the Samento, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had to sleep.
I have, nausea [lated all morning], stomach cramps, pains in my feet, legs, arms, hands, neck, head, chest. I also had a little Vertigo, ALL short lived, some are old pains returning, some are new. I also have what I call a "flash fever", it lasts a little longer now. [Even my Hot Flashes from Menopause happened in the Spring & Summer, in Winter when I really wanted the Heat, they were no where to be found] lol
Today, about 1 hr after taking it I became Excessively Tired, I HAD to lay down, when I had to get up to “pee”, and old familiar feeling returned, my body felt SO Heavy. It was as if gravity was pulling my Heavy Rock filled body to the ground. My neck has that feeling of being unable to support my head, this is another feeling I used to get quite often. I have a new Headache also, unlike my usual. My dreams are also quite funky, they have always been a bit strange, but they are a weird strange now. HeartBurn, I have been getting this on and off, so I’m not sure if it is because of the Samento or just a coincidence. I got it yesterday and today about 1/2 hr after taking it. Stomach Cramps I haven’t had in years, they are back, the ones I have always described as “Alien’s with very Long, Sharp claws, that are trying to Scratch their way out through my Stomach”. Luckily, they only last a few minutes.
I am really hoping this does something for the residual effects of bell's palsy [synkinesis], I have started Massaging the tension, I can feel the area all balled up “Again”. I would feel SO Great if my face came back. I read a few articles this morning where women had B.P. and after 3-5 years their face bounced right back. Id feel SO HAPPY. I’d like that more than anything.
I have decided against taking a 2nd drop tonight, I’m just going to do the one for a few days, then add the 2nd drop so I am not confined to bed ALL day and night.
Its now Wednesday, the good thing is I woke up feeling good, I got up 5:30am, went out with Zeus a few times, took a few pictures. I have done the dishes and cooked 2 meals. I also washed the floor and straightened the kitchen.
It’s 2:45, I'm now taking my one drop of Samento now. I figured I could at least have half a great day [in case to makes me wicked fatigued again.
I was a bit scared of what was going to happen, I was prepared to deal with it, but non the less, scared. I’m very happy to say, SO far I feel Samento is going to make a big difference. I’m going to take it slow, just as my LLMD told me to do, get my body and brain used to it then increase it.
Friday, April 11, 2014
LymeZombie, My Broken World - 5
I felt I needed to write this because I have not heard anyone say they have experience the "feelings" I get.
Yes, I have an assortment of intense pains throughout my body. My neck gets a pain that feels as if can no longer support my head, my head is going to just fall down, or off my shoulders. I get the pains in my legs, knees, arms, head, feet pains. Then there are the BaZillion Neurological Symptoms, I have so many, I feel as if I am watching me, in a Horror Movie or a living Nightmare, The Anxiety is Terrible, I have described it in detail in my other posts. There are many people that have these same symptoms.
Here are my unusual experiences. I have a lot of weird "feelings", for instance, vibrations that occur in my feet and go through my body. Waves of Intense Heat that start in the Solar Plexus Chakra, sometimes the Sexual Chakra, they feel like someone put a high powered light on in that area, and it spreads out, washing over my entire body [inside]. Then I have a feeling of heaviness or like a constricting feeling under my breast, exactly where my bra rests, it is still there If I go braless. Then there is a feeling I have always gotten if I thought something was wrong, or something was going to happen. I guess I can explain it as a feeling of maybe an Adrenaline rush. It's in the very center of my chest, also its a flash feeling, it lasts a second, but if I get it, it has lasted on and off throughout the day. Then there are other feelings, also in my chest area, I'll describe them as quick jolts, they move from the left side to the right side, then center, very fast electrical jolts. I sometimes honestly feel as if I am short circuiting. This one is the strange one. I "feel" as if a certain area hurts. There is no pain, but I "feel" there is. I actually have to lay down when I get these "feelings". These "feelings" actually sometimes make me feel weak, sometimes dizzy.
When I first starting experiencing these things, it really frightened me big time. It actually caused me to have full blown panic attacks. Yes, I still get a bit nervous when I get them, just not as bad.
I only told one person, the nurse I used to have, she asked me to rate it on a 1 to 10 scale. How the Hell do you rate "Feelings".
Anyone else out there have anything like I have described?
Yes, I have an assortment of intense pains throughout my body. My neck gets a pain that feels as if can no longer support my head, my head is going to just fall down, or off my shoulders. I get the pains in my legs, knees, arms, head, feet pains. Then there are the BaZillion Neurological Symptoms, I have so many, I feel as if I am watching me, in a Horror Movie or a living Nightmare, The Anxiety is Terrible, I have described it in detail in my other posts. There are many people that have these same symptoms.
Here are my unusual experiences. I have a lot of weird "feelings", for instance, vibrations that occur in my feet and go through my body. Waves of Intense Heat that start in the Solar Plexus Chakra, sometimes the Sexual Chakra, they feel like someone put a high powered light on in that area, and it spreads out, washing over my entire body [inside]. Then I have a feeling of heaviness or like a constricting feeling under my breast, exactly where my bra rests, it is still there If I go braless. Then there is a feeling I have always gotten if I thought something was wrong, or something was going to happen. I guess I can explain it as a feeling of maybe an Adrenaline rush. It's in the very center of my chest, also its a flash feeling, it lasts a second, but if I get it, it has lasted on and off throughout the day. Then there are other feelings, also in my chest area, I'll describe them as quick jolts, they move from the left side to the right side, then center, very fast electrical jolts. I sometimes honestly feel as if I am short circuiting. This one is the strange one. I "feel" as if a certain area hurts. There is no pain, but I "feel" there is. I actually have to lay down when I get these "feelings". These "feelings" actually sometimes make me feel weak, sometimes dizzy.
When I first starting experiencing these things, it really frightened me big time. It actually caused me to have full blown panic attacks. Yes, I still get a bit nervous when I get them, just not as bad.
I only told one person, the nurse I used to have, she asked me to rate it on a 1 to 10 scale. How the Hell do you rate "Feelings".
Anyone else out there have anything like I have described?
LymeZombie, My Broken World - 4
I'm tying this very slowly, having to correct many mistakes. See, I'm typing while Crying and Sobbing Uncontrollably, the tears are like water works falling from my eyes. [Detoxing]
I woke at 4;55 feeling really good. I took my aspirin and 1/2 atenolol, then, it felt exactly like a wave of gloom washed over me around 7:30 I felt a warm surge start in my chest, then move all through my body, leaving me feeling weak, strange. Here I fucking go Again. I’m filled with anxiety, fear, feeling of impending death, alone, sadness, uncontrollable crying. I feel like screaming “PLEASE, someone come and just Hold me till it all goes away”.
I noticed this morning, I seem to hold my breath [a subconscious thing]? I notice it all of a sudden, I then breath again.
I had 2 weeks of feeling a little better, is that that ALL I can fucking have? Why did I crash so soon?
Usually I make it at least to the full moon, then, next day I crash. The full moon is 4 days away. Maybe the Lunar Eclipse is effecting me?
Nothing in the nightmare makes ANY sense or follows ANY rules. Always Expect the unexpected, you can feel like a million, then at the blink of an eye you will feel like total shit . Unable to function.
The entire month of March was Horrific for me, Every fucking Day I was filled with Anxiety, intense fear, sadness, uncontrollable tears and constant thoughts of Dying.
When I woke one morning [2 weeks ago] actually feeling good, I was a bit suspisious it took a couple days, then I actually had a day when I had no pains for the entire morning, when they returned, they were minor. I throughly enjoyed Every One of those days, so did Zeus. The Good Days are so short lived aren't they.
I woke at 4;55 feeling really good. I took my aspirin and 1/2 atenolol, then, it felt exactly like a wave of gloom washed over me around 7:30 I felt a warm surge start in my chest, then move all through my body, leaving me feeling weak, strange. Here I fucking go Again. I’m filled with anxiety, fear, feeling of impending death, alone, sadness, uncontrollable crying. I feel like screaming “PLEASE, someone come and just Hold me till it all goes away”.
I noticed this morning, I seem to hold my breath [a subconscious thing]? I notice it all of a sudden, I then breath again.
I had 2 weeks of feeling a little better, is that that ALL I can fucking have? Why did I crash so soon?
Usually I make it at least to the full moon, then, next day I crash. The full moon is 4 days away. Maybe the Lunar Eclipse is effecting me?
Nothing in the nightmare makes ANY sense or follows ANY rules. Always Expect the unexpected, you can feel like a million, then at the blink of an eye you will feel like total shit . Unable to function.
The entire month of March was Horrific for me, Every fucking Day I was filled with Anxiety, intense fear, sadness, uncontrollable tears and constant thoughts of Dying.
When I woke one morning [2 weeks ago] actually feeling good, I was a bit suspisious it took a couple days, then I actually had a day when I had no pains for the entire morning, when they returned, they were minor. I throughly enjoyed Every One of those days, so did Zeus. The Good Days are so short lived aren't they.
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